My Writing Collections

Some Thoughts on the Virginia Tech Tragedy

Gary P. Klinger

Tuesday, 17 April, 2007

(Published, Ephrata Review, 18 April, 2007)

So, some crazed, disaffected looney takes out 33 students at Virginia Tech and as usual, I’ve got issues.

“Yes, Virginia” this affects us as if it happened right here in Ephrata. That’s because it affects our students locally. And since this once again raises the political question of gun control and all politics is local, it just follows that this is a local issue.

When my wife and I got home the day of the shooting we naturally began to talk about it. And there stood my eight year old son with a most serious look on his face. Could we really have protected him from hearing about this by not talking about it in front of him? Not likely. Not practical. Not wise.

“I’m worried this could happen at my school” he said somberly.

I called him over to where I was sitting and scooped him up in my arms. I tried to reassure him that Highland was an extremely safe school. I reminded him of all the efforts the school district in general and the Highland team...

Tags: cronies, gun control, guns, incompetent, insanity, law enforcement, mary schurr, pinhead, stupidity

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I’VE GOT ISSUES:

How NOT To Run an Election

Gary P. Klinger

October 25, 2006

I am writing to ask your Republican readers to just NOT vote in next week’s election. That’s right! Stay home! Don’t take the calls from the precinct leaders reminding you to vote. Just pretend it’s another Tuesday in November and don’t vote. Of course there’s the obvious question: WHY?

Because I have become convinced that the state and local levels of the Republican Party simply takes our votes for granted.

We care about who represents us and so therefore we vote. But isn’t it a terrible shame that we’re left feeling that our votes are an assumed reality and that we are taken for granted? So, perhaps all of us who feel likewise should just NOT vote for one election and let our party leaders wonder what happened.

Maybe it’s just me, but it all seems like way too little, way too late to help Santorum and especially Swann get elected? I mean, Mickey Mouse should have been able to run circles over Rendell! Santorum and Swann are so obviously the best men for their respective jobs. What an obviously flawed strategy to wait until...

Tags: blindness, cronies, governor, local, pennsylvania, pretentious, republicans, senate, stubbornness, taken for granted, voters

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I’VE GOT ISSUES: “KILL” THE GREASE PIG….CONTEST”

Gary P. Klinger

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

I realize there are some who have been, for lack of better works, raising a stink over the annual Greece'd Pig Chase held at Tent City during the Ephrata Fair. I, too, feel that we, as a society should be reconsidering some of the other barbaric practices still around today. In fact, this whole debate has caused me to ponder deeply some of the things which really need to go the way of manual typewriter. Might I suggest a few to your readers for their consideration?

With regard to the whole Greece'd Pig Chase, I think that besides being cruel and inhumane to the poor little piggy, it’s unfair to those of us of other nationalities. I don’t often refer to myself as a German American since my ancestors sailed the ocean blue to the New World in 1752. But if the Greeks can have a pig chase, then why can’t the Germans, the Hispanics, the Italians, the Jews and the Russians have one too? By the way, if I left any nationality out, please accept my apologies and a free canned ham. It...

Tags: bagon, ephrata, ephrata fair, flavor, greased pig, greece, italy, pennsylvania, pork chops, russia, squeek, tent city, vaseline

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I’ve Got Issues:

There Goes Howie Dean…Again.

Gary P. Klinger

September 14, 2005

So the chairman of the Democratic National Committee and former boisterous Presidential candidate, Howard Dean is saying race was the critical factor in the Katrina death toll. Pardon me for saying this, but someone’s got to: what an idiot!

No, wait, I take that back.

It just occurred to me that possibly, just possibly Howard Dean could actually be working for the Republican National Committee. Could folks like Ted Kennedy and California Congress “person” Nancy Pelosi be working for the Republicans? (Is that a bat I see flying around Congress? Oh, sorry, it’s just some lady riding a broom stick.) I think there’s a case to be made that in fact they are.

Yes, yes, that sounds ridiculous but think about it: not a thing anyone in the Republican Party could do or say could make the Democrats look as foolish as the likes of these. What better way to damage their cause than for them to implode by their own hand. They’re all the time playing the blame game, constantly spewing unsupported, unbelievable nonsense about President Bush, the Republicans, and anything even remotely resembling freedom or...

Tags: disaster political, howard dean, katrina, natural disaster, racism

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I’ve Got Issues:

Has Anyone Seen God…Lately?

Gary P. Klinger

September 20, 2005

The world has seen a lot of human tragedy in 2005. From the tsunami in Southeast Asia, to terror attacks the world wide, including the shocking attacks on London and now of course the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I’ve got issues with the way some Democrats are more interested in playing the “blame game” than be an active part of the solution, but that’s a discussion for another day. What I have some REAL issues with is how some so-called born-again believers seem to view God’s hand in all that has happened.

After the tsunami, after London and again after Katrina I’ve endured the diatribes of these negative nay-sayers describing this as the wrath of God against these evil parts of the planet. Excuse me?!? The last time I checked the entire planet is populated with folks just like me: fallen sinners in dire need of a Savior.

I know this may shock some of your readers, but I swear this is the truth. Right here in little old Ephrata we have sin. We have folks who drink beer (and worse), smoke cigarettes (and worse), actively lust...

Tags: believers, christians, disgrace, false humility, god, humility, hypocrites, judgemental, speaking for god

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THE PRESIDENT AND MS. SHEEHAN

Gary P. Klinger

Tuesday, August, 16, 2005

Can you actually believe some that some folks seriously believe President Bush should meet with that wacko stationed outside of his Crawford, Texas ranch? Frankly so far as I am concerned Cindy Sheehan’s 15 minutes of “fame” should not have lasted too much beyond 15 minutes.

The thing that bothers me the most about the “Cindy Sheehan Story” isn’t so much that she is protesting outside the President’s ranch, demanding a Presidential audience. Freedom of speech and the freedom to peacefully protest are great American freedoms. No, I’m just plain fed up with the journalists who keep this ridiculous story alive. I’m tired of the talking heads opining on the, well, talking head shows. I’m sick of the live broadcasts and the endless interviews of the woman. Enough already.

Ok, I love my kids and cannot even begin to think of the horror parents must go through these days when their children enlist in the armed serves. Or worse, when they get the news that their children have been deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan or any of the other hot spots on the planet. But I cannot even...

Tags: cindy sheehan, clueless, idiot, insanity, iraq, pointless, president george w. bush, psycho-babble, war

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A LONDON WAKE UP CALL

Gary P. Klinger

Ephrata, PA

Friday, July 8, 2005

The day after the terrorist attacks in London a few of us were talking about it while the fresh pot of coffee brewed. I guess this is water cooler talk of sorts. One of my friends pointed out how Godless British society and culture has become, almost as if to insinuate that these attacks were simply because London as a whole has rejected God. Now that’s a rather slippery slope! What if London was the most God-fearing city on the planet? I guess then the same person would remind me of how the enemies of God will stop at nothing to snuff out the Gospel.

Hmmmm, I think my friend may be a little confused. I am a Believer, too, but I won’t try to speak for God. God is good. God is patient. And God without a doubt wants us to turn from our sins and live for him. But we better hope that we don’t see that speck of saw dust in our British brothers' eyes and neglect the skid of rough sawn lumber protruding from our own eyes. Who is to say...

Tags: al-qaeda, england, iraq, london, support, terror, terror attacks, terrorists, war on terror, world trade center

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KLINGER JOINS MAYORS RACE

Gary P. Klinger

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Revised Wednesday, April 20, 2005

To the editor and readers of our fair hometown paper, The Ephrata Review, I hereby announce that I, too, have decided to run for Mayor of Ephrata. Like one of the opponents I will no doubt face in the primaries Brian Hoffman, I run without the endorsement of the GOP. Also like Mr. Hoffman, I have no real beef with our current mayor, Ralph Mowen. Ok, he expressed a few ideas for Ephrata but they pretty much had me again asking: “Where’s the Beef.” True, I’m running before I have really developed my own vision for how much better off Ephrata would be under a Gary P. Klinger administration.

Actually, I don’t know either candidate and I’m sure they are both fine gentlemen. So why run? Good question.

I have decided to run for Mayor because dog gone it, I love this little town and I just know this town would love me as their mayor. They need me! Besides, you’ve got to admit that Gary P. Klinger, Mayor of Ephrata has a nice ring to it. Ok, maybe that’s the only reason I’ve...

Tags: blind ambition, brainless, brian hoffman, clueless, ephrata, issues, mayor, pretentious

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I’ve Got Issues….

Full Circle on Terri Schiavo

March 23, 2005

Gary P. Klinger,

Ok…I’ve come full circle on Terri Schiavo…

Initially, I looked at this story through my eyes: I would not want to live that way. I love being alive and active and on the go. However you want to look at it, Terri Schiavo’s life is over. It’s been over for many years. And whether by breathing machinery and electronic means or by feeding tube, she is, for a intents and purposes gone. This is not an existence I would want for myself or anyone else.

But this is the existence that her dear parents still have. No, it’s not much. No, there is no medical hope she will ever turn around. No, it doesn’t make sense and yes, absolutely it’s costing tons of money to allow her to live on in a vegetative state. This however is their little girl. This is the baby Mrs. Schindler carried for nine months and the bundle of joy she and her husband carried home from the hospital. If Terri was anything like my two children, then I’m sure that she was always their pride and joy…the apple of their...

Tags: abortion, chemicals, euthanasia, murder, starvation, terri schiavo

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Seatbelts Required. Helmets Optional.

Gary P. Klinger

Tuesday, July 8, 2003

Ok, walk through this with me. Two vehicles are in identical accidents, both hitting a tree going, say, 45 miles per hour. One vehicle happens to your garden variety passenger car. The other, a motor cycle.

Let’s continue to walk. All new cars have been required to be equipped with driver side air bags for several years now. In fact, one would be hard pressed to find many new or relatively new cars without dual air bags and anti lock brakes. True, the results of tests conducted by the National Insurance Institute don’t lie: major manufacturers of automobiles continue to produce certain vehicles with less than stellar safety records. But on the whole, the cars on the road today are far safer than they were just 10 or 15 years ago.

I recently was listening to my favorite Saturday morning call-in car talk program on public radio. One caller was looking for wisdom and guidance on getting an Oldsmobile manufactured in the mid 1980’s retro fitted with shoulder belts so that it would work better for her child’s car seats. The bottom line: the advice was to trade up...

Tags: assinine, automobiles, helmets, inconsistent, lacking clarity, lacking vision, law, motorcycles, seatbelts, senseless

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